Unwilling strumpets...

I may be really weird but I absolutely HATE when a guy that I don't know buys me a drink. I guess I feel like it comes with some sort of anticipatory undertone that if they buy you enough things you will feel obligated to sleep with them or something ridiculous like that. A lovely way to get to know someone....make them into an unwilling strumpet within the first few moments of meeting. Maybe this sounds too feminist-ie...but it's not meant to. I guess I feel like I can buy my own damn drinks and I'd rather get to know someone not for their wallet or suaveness or ability to "pick me up" but rather their intellect or humor or their nice ass....but I want it to be my choice...so if you want to buy me a drink maybe it would be nice if you asked if you could before you just did it. Oh my god...maybe I am a feminist...shit. Shoot me now because no man will ever meet my inmeasurable standards and women are too crazy so I guess I am out of options.

Ahhh....love

Love!
Love.
Love?
Love,
Love...
How can one word so dictate the path of a life? Simply by changing the punctuation you can go from the best day ever to the most foreboding future. Bliss to tears. And in the end the question is was it all worth it? Is the ledge in front of you above a safety net or when you fall will you just land on the cold hard reality of it all? Life isn't the fairytale we're brought up hoping for. It is so much harsher, mundane and stagnate than what we envision at five years old. It is weird, what I am feeling today. Not pessimistic really, more like realistic, trepidacious, slightly sad. I think I may have forgotten how to be hopeful today and I want to cry...really, really cry just to cleanse my soul. And I would cry but I am not alone and it is no good to cry when I am not alone...then I have to hold back and then what is the point?